This is one of my first “serious” blogs for a long time – and I’m telling you why. I’m not too happy about writing about anything else than good news, funny stories or those “I’m doing great” kind of blogs. So obvoiusly, in this blog the saying “no news is good news” is bullsh**. I’ve not been ok recently, my financial situation is chaotic, studying is not going well either (ect ect – I’m not going to tell what exactly the problems are, since that’s too personal to publish in a blog), and at some point I even lost belief in myself. And I’ve been in Denmark since Christmas, trying to resolve some of those problems, and while doing that, I’ve been missing my home in the Faroe Islands and my boyfriend more than anyone can understand.
And I thought “oh my”, what is my boyfriend thinking about me, now that I’ve proven how dumb I am? And there in the middle of all those sad things I had on my mind, I discovered what kind of boyfriend I have. He has been incredible sweet, forgiving and caring. He even sent me a wonderful present at Valentine’s Day (that is not really a tradition here), and we’ve been together the last 1½ week. He went back to the Faroes on Monday, and again – I was sad that I couldn’t go with him. I followed him to the train station, and when going back, I saw his footprints in the snow – it was like he was still here somehow.
While going through all those problems, I’ve been praying to God for help – knowing that even if he helped me out, I would have to help my self somehow. Anyone who have read the Bible, knows that Jesus talks a lot about responsibility – ah, and I do try to help myself. But what does it help when everything I do seems to go wrong? And God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit whatever didn’t seem to be too talkative, wouldn’t it be nice if Jesus popped up and said “this is the solutions for your problems”, or maybe even better “here’s the lotto numbers for Saturday, that will help you out”
The big change – or maybe God’s answer – happened not long time ago. I took a loong walk at the beach – it was freezing cold (-5C / 23F). But it’s always like that – I get used to the cold over the winter, and I wear the same woolen sweater all year round – maybe even a scarf if it’s really cold, LOL. So I didn’t actually freeze. Anyway, for some reason I spent 4 hours there and I sat down just looking at the sunset at the Baltic Sea. And I must have been tired, because I fell asleep – and I woke up again a few minutes after, really cold and felt uncomfortable – but strangely enough with a lot of ideas and solutions for my problems in my head! And with courage enough to fulfil them. Guess it’s like being lost in the wilderness, and then just as you feel like giving up, you discover a path or a trail that leads you out of the wilderness again. Maybe it was God who thought “oh, I better do something now” and showed me that path. But it is going to be a long way – even though I discovered a path (solution), I will have to actually walk it. No one is going to lift me up and carry me out, nope, it will take a lot of work.
My aunt once said, that I’m a person with an incredible inner strenght. Maybe she was right, even though I’ve never felt that. But what matters is that I don’t feel depressed anymore. I feel relieved and happy. I’m coming back to life, and I’m going to stay there!
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